"Chronic Hero Lingo" AKA "The Thing That Wouldn't Shut Up"

As I've progressed in my super hero career, I've noticed that in certain situations, there are things that just have to be said: Noble things that get the villain to stop and think, encouraging things to keep a fellow hero from giving up, true things as a final goodbye or to clear up a misunderstanding, and heroic things that bring tears to the eyes and the fire of determination to the heart. Each of these things have their own scenario and effect.

I've also noticed there are things that don't need to be said, but that the monologue-prone villain inadvertently leaves himself open for: A sarcastic comment, a sassy remark, or an obvious question that makes the villain look stupid even to himself. This is called "Hero Lingo" because EVERY super hero does it at least once in their life. Sometimes these quips are really funny and help lighten the mood, but it can be overdone, and I'm afraid it often is.

That's when it becomes "Chronic Hero Lingo" or rather "The Thing That Won't Shut Up", of which there are 3 stages.

Now, this wouldn't be a fair evaluation if I didn't admit to having Stage 3 Chronic Hero Lingo, or "CHL3" for myself. This is the inability to say nothing when I feel awkward or threatened. In fact, it subconsciously seems as though it would be more painful to say nothing, while Penguin is pointing his poison-spewing umbrella at my face, then to say something about his curious choice in weapons or randomly inquire about why he chose an adorable flightless bird as his alter ego. Even if he retaliates by poisoning me with it, or simply jabbing me in the nose with the ferrule, it wasn't nearly as bad as letting the moment pass in tense silence.

Basically, Stage 3 CHL is spouting off comically in reference to a completely random or even unrelated subject in order to lighten a tense moment.

Due to my arachnophobia, I've never personally met Spider-Man, but I've seen him in action and have determined that he is afflicted with the worst case of Stage 2 Chronic Hero Lingo or "CHL2" I have ever seen! His is the problem of talking, and talking, and talking and talking and talking and talking.. Whenever anyone says or does anything-- ANYTHING AT ALL, he has got to comment on it. He can't help it. He can't even let a sneeze go by without antagonizing the sneezer...

Stage 2 CHL is joking about everything that happens between you and your enemy, whether your on top of the situation or under it.

IronMan is the prime example of Stage 1 Chronic Hero Lingo, or "CHL1". This is the worst possible stage of CHL! His mouth is so terribly afflicted with movement, he even sasses his fellow heroes. I should know, I was witness to his motor-mouth while on the Helicarrier with him and the other Avengers during Loki's Fish-Bowl Days. He literally had NOTHING helpful to offer at all until the Last. Possible. Second-- When things were serious enough that a look could kill.

Stage 1 CHL is antagonizing everyone with mockery, making those around you feel like dirt for your own amusement.. It's basically like bullying.

The effect of each of these stages speak volumes for themselves:

CHL3 is more often than not seen as funny, it succeeds in not only making you feel better, but making on-lookers more comfortable and sometimes even getting a smile (or a chuckle) out of your enemy.  

CHL2 is more often than not seen as annoying, it could very easily get a burst of laughter out of on-lookers, but after a while it starts to grate and folks get tired of hearing it. It always annoys your enemies and makes them hate your guts worse and worse each passing second. 

CHL1 is unfailingly seen as being a snotty jerk, it might earn a few admirers of your quick wit, but absolutely everyone else just wants to slap you upside your head with a metal frying pan.

So now that you know, try reflecting on who does Hero Lingo right, and who does it wrong.

Lloyd Out!