Reflecting On Lookee...

X's and O's.... To Loki!

Assuming X's are hugs and O's are kissed, then I might give him an X... Maybe.. But never an O.. NEVER an O!

"But Lloyd!" I hear you say, "You have healing kisses. What if he was dying?"

I don't trust that twerp to be 'dying', he's either dead or he's not! Granted, my kisses don't have to be on the lips in order to heal. I can kiss them on the cheek, nose, forehead, or even the hand and it'll work-- But that is not the point. It's the principle of the thing!

NO "O"s FOR LOKI!!!

Lloyd is so out!

A Villain, By Definition

So, I was mixing up a crockpot of stew today-- Carefully following the instructions my dad texted me over the phone, in hopes that my cooking-failure karma would be overpowered by his cooking-supremacy--- When suddenly my ex arch-nemesis and current arch-friendisis, Lavender, came skipping into the kitchen.

"Hey Lloyd, the government is releasing a documentary about what happens to incarcerated villains. They're calling it "Suicide Squad". Want to go see it?" She asked.

I smiled and politely answered; "No thanks."

"Why not?" Lavender asked.

"Because it features two things I'm not fond of: The government and villains. It also has a little Joker shaped cherry on top, which kicks my 'No' up to a 'Speck No'... Why? Is Jingles taking you to see it?"

(Oh, I forgot to mention that Lavender is still dating that Prankster fellow I mentioned earlier.)

Good natured Lavender only laughed at my comment and replied with a smile: "His name is not Jingles, and yes, he's actually very excited to see it.. ("Because it's his future" thought I.) He said he could get an extra ticket for you if you were interested."

"Tell Trick-Or-Treat thanks for thinking of me, but you two have fun. It's strange that he offered, he knows I don't like him."

"Maybe that's exactly why he offered. When you don't like somebody, you tend to make it fun for people to interact with you." Lavender laughed, seating herself on the counter top to watch me work.

"Do I really?"

"You did for me." She said casually.

"Well, I sort of liked you."

"You sort of like Trickster too." She returned.

"Like is too strong a word for the current situation. I pity the mislead waif." 
And he is, okay? By definition, a 'waif' is a homeless and helpless person, especially a neglected or abandoned child. I understand that Prankster is an orphan from Gotham City who escaped the children's home at a young age and has lived on the streets ever since. He got into the typical kind of trouble by robbing corner-stores in order to feed himself, but eventually got involved in gangs due to his unique gadgetry-creating talents and un-catch-ability. Then he hit the big-time by attracting the attention of super villains. His alias 'Prankster' comes from his idolizing The Joker.

Which brings us to today's topic: Our world today is very fond of villains-- They're so fond of villains that heroes are fighting each other just to get a little attention. This is a problem.

Villains are the embodiment of evil and darkness.
By definition, Villains are: a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.

synonyms:

criminal, lawbreaker, offender, felon, convict, malefactor, wrongdoer;  gangster, gunman, thief, robber;  rogue, reprobate, ruffian, hoodlum;  miscreant, scoundrel;

Heroes are supposed to embody goodness and light.
By definition, Heroes are: a person, typically a man, who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.

synonyms:

brave person, brave man/woman, man/woman of courage, man/woman of the hour, lionheart, warrior, knight;  champion, victor, conqueror

Read those synonyms very carefully. A "Synonym" is a word or phrase that means exactly or nearly the same as another word or phrase in the same language.

So if our society has become so fond of villains, they are technically fond of criminals, lawbreakers, offenders, felons, convict, wrongdoers, gangsters, gunmen,robbers, and terrorists. If someone likes something, they delve into it, they obsess over it and absorb it until it is part of them. Bearing that in mind, is it any wonder we have so many terrorist attacks going on? And so many people getting shot in mass numbers? ... Not everyone watches a movie or reads a book just for fun. Some people, eventually, want things to be real. And if the bad guy is depicted as the coolest, the bad guy is what becomes real.

This problem is going to get worse if people don't start distinguishing the difference between a person who has a hard past, and a villain.

Sorry for the limited amount of funny in the post, the next one will be better.

Lloyd Out!

Batman Did It?!

Batman, how could you?! 

No wonder it's taking you forever to figure out what this Hydra chip thing does- You're not really working on figuring it out at all. You're too busy drawing on poor Mommy mirrors.

 I bet you thought you got away with it too, didn't you? Well, you didn't! This little kid saw you. No, don't try to deny it. It's your word against his, and everybody knows a 2 year old never lies! Tsk. Tsk. Be ashamed of yourself, Bat-Buddy. Be ashamed...

Okay, I'll stop trolling now.

Lloyd Out!

Captain Amercia is a Hydra Agent??.. Lol whatevs

It started yesterday... Outrage swept the internet, the paper, the media, and soon the entire world! A longtime symbol of integrity, bravery, and everything that's ever been truly Amercian about our country-- Captain America is an undercover agent for Hydra.

...Don't worry, everyone. It's a lie.

No, really, it is. We checked..

Turns out, the whole thing is just one big conspiracy, and you wouldn't believe who is behind it!..Let me break it down for you:

I'm sure you've all heard tell about how the government tattooed Control-Freak on it's forehead by passing a law that tells superheroes: "Because of your extraordinary power, all your agency are belong to us. You can only save lives when we want you to."  Half the Avengers did not agree with this law, so the government sent the rest of the Avengers out against them-- Highly suspect if you ask me. So basically, they unfairly subjugate superheroes under the false pretense of restoring balance by saying; "You destroy everything when you fight aliens, you're just always fighting." THEN upon acquiring this power, they instantly send the superheroes who obey them against the superheroes who do not. Effectively starting yet ANOTHER war and destroying even more stuff...

Sounds a little like a Hydra move, no?

Anywhoo, Captain America led the half of the team that was against the government. Now, get this: A lot of people, thousands and thousands of them, look up to the red-white-&-blue hero-- Even after this whole duke-off between two halves of the same group of good guys, people still admire Captain America. In fact, they think he's cooler than ever. 

Que cowardice in the government. 

When folks idolize someone, they start trying to be like them. So if thousands of people admire Captain America, and Captain America goes against the government for being unfair; the government fears it may lose control over it's sheeple. (ie. sheep + people) ... But what can they do? Captain Amercia has gone to another country, going after him would be an act of war against the country that is harboring him. And they can't send no secret assassin, he's too tough for any other superhero to defeat, so what can they do?

Easy. They just do the same thing a vindictive 13 year old would do to someone on the internet who got their goat: They can't attack them physically because they don't know where they are, so they ruin their lives as much as the can on the site-- Or in other words, the government has begun to spread lies about the famed superhero in hopes of turning their sheeple away from possible rebellion. 

That's right.

Captain America being a Hydra agent is a government lie.

Oh, they'll pull all sorts of fraud evidence out of their magic hats to try and prove this to skeptical Captain America lovers. They'll even use the fact that Captain America saved that Winter Soldier guy as proof.

Just because Captain America helps Bucky, doesn't mean he works for Hydra. 
Just because I helped Catnip and Bluebird, doesn't make me a Hydra agent. 

Don't buy in to the lies.

Now, in case some people read this and start rolling their eyes like; "Oh, Lloyd's just a government conspiracy theorist." I'd like to remind people that I literally checked these facts. Hydra infiltrated SHIELD. They've also gotten into the government-- I'd list names here if I could, but I'm not that good at finding stuff out.

I've just found a lot of evidence that they are.

Lloyd Out!

I Was An Alarmclock ~ The Life and Times of Lloyd

Last month I boycotted International Superhero Day.
I know that seems a little upside down, since I AM a superhero, but civilian me checked with superhero me, and we both agreed it was stupid to celebrate the holiday when all superheros ever do nowadays is fight among themselves and each other.

So technically, the boycott was a PARCHEESI movement.

Anywhoo, I still don't know what the ugly Hydra chip thing in my neck is, and neither does Batman. ..But this morning, it was beeping at me. Not just regular kind of beeping either- More like, "Hey, I'm a bomb" beeping.

Now, lacking the ability to die and being half asleep in bed, I merely anticipated being thrust into sitting position by the explosive force of a bomb detonating on the back of my neck.. I failed to acknowledge the fact that, even if I can not be fatally injured, I can still feel pain. I also did not consider that my bed was not bomb-resistant, and should the chip in my neck explode, it would set fire to my bed, which would soon catch the walls, and eventually burn my house down: Leaving me homeless and in my pajamas.

Thankfully, none of this actually happened.
As a matter of fact, the beeping ceased just as suddenly as it started.

Checking the time, it was like 9:00 in the morning. I consider this to be the time of day when you shouldn't actually be awake. More like roll over, see your room is light, take a deep contented breath, gratefully acknowledge how well you slept and how cozy your bed still is, then silently consider everything you have to get done today, and innocently drift back to sleep while so doing... This is not the time of day I think you just actually wake up at.

So, if this Hyrda chip is merely a glorified alarm clock that will see me relentlessly slapping the back of my neck every morning trying to shut it up, then no. I want it gone right now. Maybe it is a form of torture set to induce self hatred, or make you cautious of your own limbs- which at any moment could start blaring like an unstoppable car alarm.. I don't know.

Lloyd Out!

New Face of Crime

So, though The Headmaster and his scientist cronies are still at large, they (more or less) gave me their word that they would not cause anymore trouble. I don't exactly trust them on it, but it's been a few years and I haven't heard anything from them, so I shall remain optimistic.

I like to imagine they did the responsible thing and checked themselves into a mental facility, have spent these past few years re-evaluating their lives under professional supervision, and are now cheerfully working towards a golden future of upstanding citizenship and good doing--- Rather than creating a whole new batch of genetically engineered children to face the ones I stole in an epic battle which will ultimately decide the fate of the world; which that is a very real possibility now that I think about it.

Anywhoo, the new face of Thorn-In-Lloyd's-Side is one I'm actually familiar with; in a much larger, uglier, and crazier package... Produced by the same company I guess, but embracing the modern bite-sized revolution found in all products now days.

Ironically enough, my new How-The-Speck-Do-You-Cause-Every-Single-Crime-I-Appear-To-Be-Fighting-Lately is actually Lavender's boyfriend. The new one she met on her trip.

Now, I told her she should stop dating villains. She didn't listen.
I told her dating a villain from another state would be asking for trouble. She didn't care.
I told her not to invite him to the state she lived in. She did it anyway.
I told her not to go on a date. And off she goes.

She said it went well, but they had conflicting interests and that was that-- But now, here he is: Intentionally causing disasters in OUR state just so we'll show up, so he can flirt with Lav and match wits with me. The first time we saw him standing on the top of a pile of wrecked cars, I kinda gave Lav this look:

Unfortunately do to a series of unexpected tricks and his freakish knowledge of how to pick locks, AND drive cars, he somehow manages to escape every time. So, I'm putting the word out:

Be on the looks out for a young man, probably about 23 or 24 years old. His name is Prankster: A sort of gothic punk version of the Joker, but with a smirk instead of a insane toothy grin, and more colorful/clashing clothing than a fashion designer could find in the combination of all the fabric scraps in their trash can.

You'll know him when you see him.

Lloyd Out!

Lavender, Phoenix, and I have decided to start a protest against all the quote-unquote "heroes" who are fighting one another. We stayed up very late last night, tossing around snappy acronyms to be the name of our movement group. We thought if we used a real word to state our mission; like SHIELD does, then what we were trying to accomplish would be easier for people to remember...

...I'm hoping our name does better than SHEILD though, because honestly, who in the world knew that S.H.E.I.L.D stood for "Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division"? I sure didn't!

We tossed around a lot of things, the most memorable being:

SIMPLE - Superhero Infighting Makes Power Look Egotistical.

...Phoenix came up with that one. Though snappy, it didn't make the cut because it didn't explain what we were trying to accomplish with the movement.

SSI - Stop Superhero Infighting

My suggestion. We didn't go with this one because SSI is not a real word-- Plus with things like "NHL", "AOL", and "GOP" to remember, ours would be pretty forgettable.

MISSISSIPPI - Mission Is 'Stop Superhero Infighting', Simply Stated; It's Pathetic, People! Ick!
We had a long, humorous discussion when Lavender suggested that. Lav said it would be perfect since Mississippi is a state, we could use the the term "state of mind" as a promotional boost to our cause. We probably would have gone with it, but "Mississippi is a state of mind" sounds more like we are the ones in the wrong, rather than the infighting superheros.

STINK - Superheros Think Infighting Needs Kudos
"Kudos" meaning "respect". Really snappy and almost perfect, but again, not quite descriptive of our mission. It also misrepresents the superhero mindset and doesn't give any distinction between heroes like us, and the ones that are fighting.

Anywhoo, after thoroughly debating the matter, we finally settled on an unforgettable name of my choosing:

"Agents of PARCHEESI"

People Against Rising Chaos, Essentially Eradicate Superhero Infighting

Snappy, right?

Lloyd Out!