"Chronic Hero Lingo" AKA "The Thing That Wouldn't Shut Up"

As I've progressed in my super hero career, I've noticed that in certain situations, there are things that just have to be said: Noble things that get the villain to stop and think, encouraging things to keep a fellow hero from giving up, true things as a final goodbye or to clear up a misunderstanding, and heroic things that bring tears to the eyes and the fire of determination to the heart. Each of these things have their own scenario and effect.

I've also noticed there are things that don't need to be said, but that the monologue-prone villain inadvertently leaves himself open for: A sarcastic comment, a sassy remark, or an obvious question that makes the villain look stupid even to himself. This is called "Hero Lingo" because EVERY super hero does it at least once in their life. Sometimes these quips are really funny and help lighten the mood, but it can be overdone, and I'm afraid it often is.

That's when it becomes "Chronic Hero Lingo" or rather "The Thing That Won't Shut Up", of which there are 3 stages.

Now, this wouldn't be a fair evaluation if I didn't admit to having Stage 3 Chronic Hero Lingo, or "CHL3" for myself. This is the inability to say nothing when I feel awkward or threatened. In fact, it subconsciously seems as though it would be more painful to say nothing, while Penguin is pointing his poison-spewing umbrella at my face, then to say something about his curious choice in weapons or randomly inquire about why he chose an adorable flightless bird as his alter ego. Even if he retaliates by poisoning me with it, or simply jabbing me in the nose with the ferrule, it wasn't nearly as bad as letting the moment pass in tense silence.

Basically, Stage 3 CHL is spouting off comically in reference to a completely random or even unrelated subject in order to lighten a tense moment.

Due to my arachnophobia, I've never personally met Spider-Man, but I've seen him in action and have determined that he is afflicted with the worst case of Stage 2 Chronic Hero Lingo or "CHL2" I have ever seen! His is the problem of talking, and talking, and talking and talking and talking and talking.. Whenever anyone says or does anything-- ANYTHING AT ALL, he has got to comment on it. He can't help it. He can't even let a sneeze go by without antagonizing the sneezer...

Stage 2 CHL is joking about everything that happens between you and your enemy, whether your on top of the situation or under it.

IronMan is the prime example of Stage 1 Chronic Hero Lingo, or "CHL1". This is the worst possible stage of CHL! His mouth is so terribly afflicted with movement, he even sasses his fellow heroes. I should know, I was witness to his motor-mouth while on the Helicarrier with him and the other Avengers during Loki's Fish-Bowl Days. He literally had NOTHING helpful to offer at all until the Last. Possible. Second-- When things were serious enough that a look could kill.

Stage 1 CHL is antagonizing everyone with mockery, making those around you feel like dirt for your own amusement.. It's basically like bullying.

The effect of each of these stages speak volumes for themselves:

CHL3 is more often than not seen as funny, it succeeds in not only making you feel better, but making on-lookers more comfortable and sometimes even getting a smile (or a chuckle) out of your enemy.  

CHL2 is more often than not seen as annoying, it could very easily get a burst of laughter out of on-lookers, but after a while it starts to grate and folks get tired of hearing it. It always annoys your enemies and makes them hate your guts worse and worse each passing second. 

CHL1 is unfailingly seen as being a snotty jerk, it might earn a few admirers of your quick wit, but absolutely everyone else just wants to slap you upside your head with a metal frying pan.

So now that you know, try reflecting on who does Hero Lingo right, and who does it wrong.

Lloyd Out!

Me and Bat-Buddy

Just an update. 

Bat-Buddy still hasn't found out any information on my back-of-the-neck problem, but given the fact that he's so eagerly looking into it for me makes me reminisce about our past history together. It's been quite the journey. 

Batman and I have known each other since I was 8 years old, and I successfully hid my true identity from him for 12 years. We've grudgingly done a lot of crime fighting together over the years: sometimes with our team mates in tow, and other times just the two of us. We saved each other's lives on several occasions. He'd make me feel like an idiot, and in turn I'd mock him for being a stick-in-the-mud and lecture him for being a Casanova. When I was about 18 or so, our love-hate relationship fizzled out and we stopped interacting with one another. Now, as a much more mature adult woman who no longer delights in annoying the speck out of my caped crusading comrade, we've begun again at a more professional level: I keep him informed, he keeps me included.

I've also decided to tell him my secret identity after making him promise not to keep any sort of tab or computer record about me (because that stuff is always hacked and stolen) to which he has agreed. So now, it's all good and grown-up like.

Granted, we still have those moments where he gets mad at me, and (on top of confessing I've known his secret identity for 10 years myself and will post it on my blog if he makes any sort of record of me) I also still call him Bat-Buddy. MUHA!

Lloyd Out!

Hiding From Hydra

Wowee! What a great start to the month of November. It's been so intense, I honestly never thought I'd get a chance to write on this blog of mine ever again.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, before I go into all that, I'd like it to go on record that Halloween was just fine and fun. I decided to stay home with my super-de-duper family instead of going Trick-Or-Treating, and Genovia spent her holiday on Mars..

So yeah, we're good and the world is safe for one more year. =3

************

Anywhoo, so I'm alone this week.

The MGAP kids are with their foster families, the Mythical Gang are playing as "representatives of Earth" with the Intergalactic Who's-Their-Faces out in space again, Pegasus is on tour, and Lavender has gone to Paris to visit her dad. All in all, this leaves me alone to cause trouble where ever I see fit. Two nights ago, I saw fit amid the glamorous upper-crust as they partied in a museum/research-facility/government-type place with a crystal chandelier and technological inventions on display.

Of course, I'm no where near rich enough to actually attend such a gathering, so instead I volunteered to help serve people their food. This made me the perfect by-stander when some woman suddenly switches out of her ballgown into a black suit, rips off her wig, and presses a button which causes half the ballroom to explode. During the chaos, she steals this tiny little device and retreats down the hall.

Now, I don't really know how it happened, but somehow I ended up in Trouble-Lady's way:
First the other food-serving volunteers were all freaking out, so to maintain my civilian cover, I freak out too. The place is on fire, the security guards are chasing Trouble-Lady somewhere in the building, and rich people are everywhere.. So, we're all kinda running around a screaming despite the police officer's telling us to exit the building in an orderly manner and remain calm.

Then I think: "Hey, this looks like a job for--" and rush down one of the smoky halls to change into my super suit. Next thing I know, Trouble-Lady is tripping over me!

Okay. A golden star for common civilian me, right? Wrong! Because the second she goes down and I come up, she uses this hand held laser gun and shoots the back of my neck! The security guards tackle her and cuff her an instant afterward. Meanwhile, I'm standing there contemplating whether I should fall over and fake my death-- Which is something I'd have to do if she intended to kill me with that shot. But I didn't faint, I didn't even feel like fainting. All I felt was a sting, which meant her shot couldn't be lethal, so why pretend it was?

The guards escort her out and beckon for me to follow since the whole place is going up in flames. Once we're out on the street of course, I notice Trouble-Lady glaring holes into me as she's loaded into the police car.

[Tough break, criminal!] I think pridefully, [You can never tangle with the unstoppable duo of Lloyd and Dumb Luck!] Though technically, this victory goes to my mild-mannered civilian counterpart.

I go home, end Day 1.

Next morning, I'm walking down the street toward the store, whistling a happy little tune. All is right with the world, though, I'd have to be a complete idiot to be window shopping and NOT notice the reflection of a little mechanical probe droid following me around. So, I do what any experienced super hero would do and spring into action!..... And by that I mean I kept walking and whistling.

I go into the store, effectively leaving the probe outside and start to get a little shopping done, when suddenly I get a call from Nick Fury. I'm pleasant enough in my greeting, but am in turn greeted by an urgent warning to stay inside my house and a demand to know my location. 

"Too late, I'm already at the store getting milk." I say defiantly, picking up a jug of said moo juice.

At that point, Nick sees fit to let me in on the drama of which I have so cluelessly become a part:

Turns out, the thief from yesterday was an Hydra agent. The device she stole was not on her after she was arrested, and after going over the news reel several times, SHIELD agents determined she was glaring really hard at me because I had it. 

[Rediculous!] I think to myself. Then Nick drops the bomb: The device has been implanted in the back of my neck. Now, there is a tiny mark back there that lets other Hydra agents know I am the one they are looking for.

How. Did. It. Happen?

My mind is taken back to the sting I felt, and my absence of fainting when the lady shot me.

And where am I? In the middle of a shopping mart.
What am I wearing? A simple show-the-back-of-your-neck T-shirt.
How long is my hair? As short as you please.
Is there any way this mark of mine could have been over-looked by ruthless people who are searching so adamantly for it? Not. A. Chance.

I quickly put the milk in my cart and begin to make my way back toward the front of the store, continuing to carry a conversation with Nick as though he's a good buddy who called me up to ask if I would go to the movies with him tonight. As I near the check out, I notice a lot of people with the Hydra symbol circling around the building-- And a lot of commonly dressed folks looking intently at the nape of any by-passers. Oh joy.

I make a bee-line for the clothes isle with intent of hiding myself among the millions of sweaters for half-off. As I do so, I make the situation known to Nick, who promises he'll be there shortly. I then notice the most adorable rainbow scarf in all the world... Sadly, I can't afford it.

"Hey Nick, if I successfully complete this mission, can you buy me this scarf?" I ask hopefully, taking a picture of it and sending it to him. Nick naturally tells me to stop goofing off and hangs up.

Just then, one of the store people come up from behind me and tell me I can have the scarf for free. He takes it from me and wraps it around my neck quickly, glancing around with an unusual look of discomfort in his eye. I notice it, but considering I really want the scarf anyway, I thank him and run to the dressing room to see how it looks. While inside, I suddenly over hear his manager yelling at him. His excuse is surprising!

Turns out, he noticed all the Hydra agents around and that they were looking for something, then he noticed the mark on the back of my neck and knew. I quickly take off the scarf and turn around, using the reflection in my phone's screen to see the back of my head in the mirror. Sure enough, the "mark" is the Hydra symbol. 

Well, I feel bad for getting this guy in trouble, so I leave the scarf inside the dressing room. I don't want him to get fired after he tried to save my life, and I know for a fact what Hydra will do if they figure out a civilian is trying to help me escape... Then again, I also know what Hydra will do to any civilian who is causing them trouble they don't want to be having. Thus I retreat to the make-up isle and get decked up like a super hero space alien! Around this point, I'm attracting more than just Hydra's attention, so I leave my shopping cart and make a break for it.

The run around the building goes well, until some weirdo with metal arms heads me off!

So, I get captured. End Day 2.

Now, as I sit in a cell awaiting dismemberment, I gotta ask myself: WHERE IN OVERLOOKED ESPIONAGE WAS SHIELD!?! Nick said they were coming, but did they come? No. They. Did. Not.

But, I am an optimist! So I decide to entertain myself by talking to my next-door cell mates. Surprisingly, it is a father with his young son and daughter; all three of which apparently have super powers and are being used in genetic experimentation... Just like the MGAP kids were! Still dressed as a lunatic from the outer space circus, I don't choose to let them in on my background, but vow to free them when I make my daring escape. Turns out the guy with metal arms is a prisoner there too, only he's been there much longer than the others and is extremely susceptible to Hydra's command.

No matter. I'm a friendly person. And if I can play a friendly game of Tic-Tac-Toe with Loki, I think I can carry a decent conversation with the person who just kidnapped me and took me to the undoubted doom that awaited me in one of Hydra's laboratories. The guy is actually a pretty decent bloke, we get to talking about plenty of good memories. Then some nurse lady comes in and takes the little girl from the cell next to me, leaving her father and brother helpless behind. At the next moment, some doctor comes for me too... Unlike the little girl though, I'm not new to this.

I have years and years and YEARS of crime-fighting behind me, so I know how to handle myself when some punk thinks he can bully me.

Needless to say, I escape my captors and leave them unconscious in a closet. But I'm not ready to escape just yet; first, I have to find the little girl. I find a long stretch with several numbered rooms where experiments are taking place, but I have no idea which one is the one I'm looking for. So, like any decent hotel vandal, I run down the hallways banging on all the doors! The scientists come out asking questions and looking confused, then shrug and go back inside-- All except one. 

There's one who has the keys to the cell, so I ambush that guy and steal his coat. Then I go back to the cells and let my buddies out. Sadly, the guy with the metal arms has been taken out on another mission. So, it's just the three of us. I go back to the hallway with the two guys in tow and suddenly realize the doctor I knocked out could not have returned to his room, so I look at the number on my badge and go there. Turns out, the little girl was inside!

Luck of the Lloyd!

Together, we escape Hydra's facility.. And since I never do anything without a half way, I put in a call to some of my people (namely the Justice League) and get the whole laboratory arrested. Muha! The father and his children have gone their way, as have a lot of the other freed prisoners... I didn't stay to see how everything turned out. Bat-Buddy and Super-Nerd had everything pretty much wrapped up, so I decided to go home.

But get this: When I told The Jutice League that I would have called SHIELD to handle the Hydra guys, I was informed that SHIELD has fallen. Some Hydra agents infiltrated the place, killed Nick, and have taken down the entire system!

....So... That's why SHIELD never showed up...

And all while I was shopping too.

And there you have it. I'm now safe and sound now.
Unfortunately, I still have the device in my neck, but that hasn't become a problem yet since my super suit has a turtle neck.

No, I don't have the details on what the device is.. Nick said he'd tell me, but given the circumstances, I don't think that's going to happen. Instead, I asked Bat-Buddy to do some research and see what he could find out about the unhappy little gigabyte... In the meantime, no info.

I really don't know what to think about Nick's death..
I'm sorry if it's true, but given the fact that Phil is alive, I'm kinda in doubt Nick is really dead at all. The stinker may be faking! 
......
....
..
..
If he's not, I'm going to feel terrible. 

Lloyd Out!

Halloween Problems

Lock the windows! Bolt the doors! Activate every security system known to SHIELD! 

Halloween begins at midnight tonight, and doesn't end until midnight tomorrow night!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it sounds like I'm overeating- Aaaand I know some people like Halloween. 

"Candy!" they'll say, 

"Dress-up!" I'm reminded, 

"Harmless pranks!" comes a voice from a corner.

While it's true Halloween maybe fun for some people, in the super hero world, it is:

Don't worry, I'm writing to you from a super safe location in the bottom of my favorite closet! 

It seems to me that what makes Halloween so much fun for normal people is the prospect of being scared silly by something that doesn't exist.. But for superheros such as myself and many, many others, we have no such luxury. Every mutation, alien, and super-powered creep known to imagination REALLY EXISTS for us and ALWAYS STRIKES DURING HALLOWEEN!.... It's the best time for it you see. There are so many goofballs roaming the streets dressed as one thing or another, a real thing can just walk on by without ever getting noticed. Not to mention some citizens get it into their heads that it would be fun to beat up a real hero or villain if ever they spot one.

Seriously, I was attacked by a 5-year old Sonic Thunder and his older sister "Loki" a year ago-- While I was in the middle of trying to stop mutant monster from destroying the town!

Yes, there are girls who dress like guys during Halloween.. I've even done it myself.

************

Psst. 

For the record: The real Sonic Thunder is somewhere in his early 40s and is actually Lavender's super-villain father. The Mythical Gang and I have never had dealings with him personally, but apparently he's a 'big name' who causes a lot of trouble for some big name superheros, like Superman and who-not... He's also the hilariously smooth-talking, quick-witted kind of guy who thinks himself too good to work with other villains-- And why shouldn't he? According to record, he's been at it since he was 17 and has never been caught! Though he did go into a brief retirement after marrying Lavender's mother, who I understand was actually a superhero. 

After she died though, he came out of it again and later married a super-villain woman who already had a super-villain son of her own, and together Sonic Thunder and the lady had Lavender's super-villain little sister... Yeah. Everyone in Lavender's family is a super villain (Except Lavender, who lives with me now) because I can only imagine what it must be like at home::

Awful, right?

PS. She wants it to go one record that her Dad is okay with her choice. The only ones she has problems with are her literally evil step-mother, step-brother, and half-sister.

************

I know, I know, I seemed so psyched for Halloween back in 2012, but things change-- Actually, they didn't, I just forgot because we stayed home that year. It was pretty fun because instead of going door to door, we trick-or-treated at each other's rooms. It worked out great, The Headmaster's freaky scientist guys didn't catch us, and MGAP was not unleashed upon the world before the world was ready for them! Everybody won!

Not to mention another thing I forgot: You see, every year about this time, a group of classic-monster based freaks will emerge from the sewers and try to capture Genovia. Supposedly, a drop of Martian blood is the only thing that can unlock the door to their horrific nightmarish world. We've had to deal with them every year for the past.... However long it's been since I got my powers.

Okay, some seriously macho readers out there may be wondering:

"What's so bad about one drop of blood?"

Well, my friend, you might as well be asking "What's so bad about global warming?" or "What's so bad about the ice age?".. It's not the thing it's self, it's the end result. The whole world will be covered in creepy Halloween-ish monsters! Also, I'm a tad concerned because of how this thing is 'Martian' specific. Why only Martians? Who made this door? How did they know about Martians anyway?

I never intend to find out... EVER!

Some secrets are best left secret!

So, if the problem is for Genovia, why am I hiding?... Simple. Erik lives here too and Halloween is his favorite time of the year. Be afraid.. Be very afraid!

Lloyd out!

This is Rogue 2, we've found them.. Repeat, we've found them...

Hail the conquering slacker! Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la!!

I suppose you're wondering about my long absence, my sing-song intro, and the Star Wars reference title. Well, I'll break it down: It's because we caught the Old House freak scientist guys. That's right! The Headmaster and his freakazoid cronies are in jail!! Whoo-Hoo!

Okay, I lied. They're not in jail, they're actually in SHIELD's custody, but I guess that's just as good- Even though I don't trust SHIELDs ability to retain their captives for more then a few seconds, but meh. For the moment, we are free of chaos.

Turns out, Vanna is the Headmaster's own daughter. Can you believe that?! Poor baby.

Anyway, everyone in the Myth Mansion is fine. The kids have really improved over the past year, they're no longer crazy-out-of-control balls of energy, but are now decent members of society and full blown super heros. Some of their powers have been going wonky and they've been feeling sick as of late. According to the Headmaster, it's because their DNA is unstable- And that's what he needed Lav, Gen, Peg, and I for.. Sheran, Erik, Vanna, and Marrietta seem fine though, so I don't exactly believe him.

Catnip and Bluebird have joined SHEILD, sadly.. So, I never get to see them anymore. But I'll get post-cards every holiday, so I know they're happy in their work.

Anywhoo, we're looking into getting MGAP super names. Any suggestions? They have to be mythical creatures. The kids came up with their own during the mission to catch these science-do-dos, but some of them just don't stick--- And considering they wore their Halloween costumes instead of the super suits (that we are still working on), the press doesn't refer to them by those names either.

Here's what we've been working with so far::

Erik wants to be called Phantom, though there's some serious debate on whether or not it fits him. I personally think Monster Boy would be better.... Or Goblin...

Jewel wants to be called Hippogriff, but I personally think it's too close to Gryffin; and we already have a Gryffin.

Miko wants to be Wyvern- But I think that sounds more like a girl's name.

Marrietta has a lot of robotic traits, but we've decided to call her Mermaid anyway since we've needed a Mermaid in the group for a long, long time. She has water powers, so technically, it fits.

Vanna wants to be called Ghost because of her skin is as white as a paper sheet-- While perfect for power and appearance, I'm iffy on this one because I don't want to start introducing creepy/Halloween-like mythical names into the group. (Goblin for Erik being the only exception.)

Takan has claimed the position of Elf, even though that's what I really wanted for myself! =(

Sheran would be a more appropriate Phantom in my mind due to her shadowy powers, but like I said, Erik wants that name. So, so far, she's got nothing.

Phil Coulson is ALIVE@!!!

I don't know how!.. nobody knows how.

But he is. 

This means one of three things: Nick lied to us, Phil is a zombie, or my being dead in the Helicarrier hallway was not completely unknown.. I tried to corner Nick Fury on this and figure out which of the above was the truth, but he didn't say much. He's kinda short with me ever since I got the MGAP kids adopted. We've mostly stopped interacting with one another until Genovia brought Phil's not-death to my attention.

Now, I want to shake Nick Fury by his ears.

Nick was like:

And I'm all::

If you've never felt the complicated emotion of being joyful at one person and perfectly livid at another all at the same time, I'm al a loss to explain it to you. I've come to the conclusion that Nick is a serious control freak and I don't like him at all! From this moment on, the scissors have closed upon the string of our connection, I will not cater to him a second longer. My probation has long since expired, there's NO need for him to be breathing down my neck and monitoring my life anymore forever. Good day you, one-eyed bald-man! Good bye, good luck, and good riddance!

So yeah, Phil's alive... YAY! 
But I can't call him and invite him out for "I missed you, glad your not dead like I thought you were" doughnuts because I'm breaking away from SHIELD..... And apparently he's real busy as part of some "Agents of SHIELD" thing now. 

Dunno what that's all about, and I would look into it if I cared, but anywhoo! Happy bout Phil, mad at Nick.

Lloyd out! 

Busy busy busy!

...Hi! Just wanted to let ya'll know I'm not dead!
I've just been crazy insane busy. We're looking for foster/adoptive parents for the MGAP kids. It isn't right for them to be raised by nonsensical teenagers. Of course, they'll still be members of the Mythical Gang, we'll check on 'em daily and train 'em on the weekends, but they need real, loving families to take care of them.

We've totally fried our partnership with SHEILD. Nick hates me now because I won't let him have custody of the MGAP kids. He actually threatened to take them from me by force, but I told him if he so much as thought about it (Genovia can read his mind) I would pack them through a portal to a distant planet faster than he could tell his men to fire. That seemed to shut him up-- He knows I can do it after all.

He kinda gave me a look like this:

Sooooooo, yeah. Busy busy busy.

Anywhoo! Not dead. Will post funny stuff and whatnot sometime later.

Lloyd Out!